“When is the baby due?”
“October”
“October what?”
“Any day in October. Except my anniversary. I don’t want to share my anniversary.”
…
Lucy Melin was born on October 23, 2018 – my wedding anniversary. It was a lesson in not always getting what you wish for… But her birth was perfect, and there’s not a single thing I would change. My husband, John, and I had learned a few lessons from our experience with our first baby, Nora, in 2017. Going through the experience a second time, we decided to make some changes:
1. I didn’t tell anyone the “due date”
When my due date rolled around with Nora, I was inundated with texts and cards wishing me good luck, and telling me congratulations. But I was still pregnant with no plans to induce or schedule a c-section…
Lucy’s due date was October 14th, but only about 5% of babies are born on their due date. I knew it was very likely that she’d be born within two weeks of her date, so I decided to think of the whole month of October as on time. This was mentally freeing, and made it much easier when I went nine days “over”. When friends and family asked for the exact date, John and I simply responded that “the baby will come when it wants to”.
2. I chose a birth center for my care
I had Nora, at a hospital and I left feeling unsatisfied with my experience. The hospital had pushed medication and interventions that I didn’t want, and I left feeling traumatized by the whole experience.
For Lucy’s birth, John and I decided to use Health Foundations Birth Center in St. Paul for all of my prenatal care and the delivery. The experience was wonderful. I labored at home until contractions were three minutes apart, and then we drove to the birth center. Being at the birth center was as comfortable as being at home – the lights were dim, the labor room felt like my bedroom, and there was nobody around except the nurse, midwife, and our doula. Lucy was born with no medical intervention, and we went home three hours later to sleep in our own beds. My recovery was much easier, and I felt empowered by the experience.
3. I did more research
When I was pregnant with Nora, I decided that women give birth every day and there was no reason for me to spend months reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting, my body would just know what to do.
I still believe that women instinctively know what to do, but the problem is that our society doesn’t allow women to listen to their own bodies. Had I known better, I would’ve refused the induction drugs with Nora. My induced labor was much harder than my natural one, and I wanted to make sure I avoided that if at all possible.
So the second time around, I read books and articles. I watched documentaries and TED Talks. I followed birth photographers on Instagram. And I learned about this crazy, amazing, thing women do every day.
Learning about it took away the fear of the unknown, and allowed me to relax and have faith in myself. It allowed me to take charge and make my own decisions for my body.
4. I hired a birth photographer
I hired Meredith Westin with the intention of never sharing the photos with anyone (as you can see from this post, I changed my mind…). I hired her so that when I’m pregnant with future children, I can look back at these photos and remind myself how capable I am and how capable my body is. I hired her, so that I can birth my future babies without fear.
5. I allowed others to take care of me during my early postpartum period
When I was pregnant with Nora, I thought that was the hard part. I often thought to myself that I couldn’t wait for her to be born so that I could workout, drink, and sleep comfortably again. I didn’t realize that it would be months before I did any of those things, or felt a general sense of normalcy at all.
The 4th trimester is the hardest trimester.
It’s the one nobody warns you about, and nobody prepares you for.
So the second time around, I approached postpartum differently. I filled my freezer with homemade meals that could be reheated quickly, I baked enough lactation cookies for an army, and I got real with my family and friends. I made it clear that nobody was coming over until we were ready, and when they came it would be appreciated that they bring food and not stay too long. When they did come, I didn’t bother to shower or leave my bed. I let go, and allowed everyone to care for me so that I could focus on caring for Lucy. I stayed in bed for seven days, and didn’t feel remotely guilty about it.
Even after experiencing two pregnancies, labors, deliveries, and postpartum periods, I still continue to learn more and more about the miracle of birth.
For those of you with kids, what was your experience like? And for those of you without, what questions do you have? Let me know! I *love* talking about birth.
xoxo
Bria
MinneMama 